I don't understand...

1) Mom's who urge their kids to pee faster just because papa wait kar rahen hain
2) Professors who author books and then say " I guess it says....so because..well...umm..." when asked a doubt
3) Vodafone spending obscene amounts on red hoardings by selling a few of their network towers
4) Jaya taking offense on being asked to clean the bathroom (after a bakshish of Rs. 10 and a pair of sequined chappals)
5) Literate people with 27 items in their cart standing at a billing counter meant for "LESS THAN 10 ITEMS ONLY"
6) Autos with golden glitter seats and enough music equipment for the New Year's eve.

you know your life isn't the same when...

1) You compare the food you get in the PG to that in the mess and miss the mess...
2) You feel bad that the cable guy stopped playing the movie Heyy Babyy somewhere mid-way
3) You vigorously discuss the roundness of the chapatti and argue about the level of salt in the arhar ki dal
4) You know how much Ambardhara scored in their Math test...
5) For that matter you know which Ambardhara I am talking about...
6) You check if All-Out is glowing to know if there is a power cut
7) You see traffic on National Highway heading your way and you are in a cycle-rickshaw

emancipated woman

let us begin with an assumption that the world would be a better place if only each person be it a man or a woman is allowed to live with whatever dignity he or she has.
this post is not stemming as much from rationality as much as anger.
You know one keeps hearing things like arre delhi unsafe place hai yaar...arre gurgaon ki to baat hi mat karo...tsk tsk bilkul safe nahi hai ladkiyon ke liye...

My anger is not as much towards those lecherous bastards or those f***ing morons who talk to your chest or those who think you are as dense as a block of ice that you wouldn't realise that they are pushing themselves at you or that "sorry madam galti se lag gaya" does not happen 3 times in a row in a non-crowded queue.
But its more towards this line of conversation i had...

Me: you know what happened today, there were four boys who came in a Scorpio and spoke absolute filth today morning at 8 a.m while I was waiting for a cab....who on earth would have thought at 8 a.m there are a bunch of ass***** who drive around doing this !
Other person: yea i know....but what were you wearing ?

Now my point is....how does it matter...no i am not on one of those tirades which go on about how a woman should be able to wear NOTHING and not be judged ya da ya da...but cmon..to assume that every such incident is under the woman's control and also that you bring trouble onto yourself by attracting attention by what you wear..is just plain sickening...I do not understand how reflexively that reaction of "what were you wearing" came about...its like some presumption of "you must have done SOMETHING...or else why would 4 boys just come and speak filth" yes of course it has nothing to do with the fact that these are truly sick people who probably should be hung by their toenails and have their hands dipped in hot oil and each finger nail plucked out...but no...surely you must have done something worthy enough to deserve this kind of attention...

moving on with the conversation..
Me: huh ?! what was I wearing ?! chuck it...anyways as I was saying, I then went to a nearby security guard (about 50 years old, was riding his cycle) and complained about the 4 boys...he said "arre madam...yeh to roz marra ki zindagi mein hota rehta hai...aap sentimental mat ho jaaiye"
Other person: tsk tsk tsk *tongue clicking sadly* hmmm...yea what can that poor guy also do...he has a cycle and he is so old.. he must be knowing those guys are obscenely rich and would buy him out for his weight in gold...bechara...but being a girl you should toughen up and get used to all this...

now you tell me how does toughening up mean taking crap like this and not reacting...why am i not strong if i react ? or me being calm saying haan yeh to hamesha hota hai...make it any less wrong than what it is...why should I or for that matter anyone get used it...how is it that you can its ok....how can it not anger you when someone invades your personal space, looks at you as if you are nothing more than a fresh slivered slice of meat...
why should you accept something that turns your stomach inside out as you feel violated? to be called strong ?!!??!

You are a strong person when you face the problem head-on and make sure it is taken care of..but are you a strong person when you become indifferent to the fact that you are somewhat like a candy store that either people keep staring at or try getting free samples of...?!
If being numb, being passive is being strong...then whoever said that go f*** himself....

Irrespective of how many times it has happened before or how many times it will happen in the future...i will get angry and i will react sharply...and thats how it shall be...it does not mean I am weak and I am whining...it means I am alive enough to be angry and thoroughly disgusted rather being a mere passive spectator of my own life

No boundaries - Happy 60th

Road under construction

At some point in everyone's life there have been things one wants real bad. The want gets to a point where existence seems pointless if not achieved. It could be a phantom cigarette at the age of 5 so that you could go to the neighbor's kid and pretend to puff smoke on to his face or it could be the only cycle that could possibly give you the riding experience like none another.
As time moves on you realise maybe just maybe it didn't matter so much after all. This has nothing to do with you having got that peppermint wannabe cigarette or not. Its just that once you move on further in life you realise that there are a few things you would never know if they mattered so much afterall.

I am not saying its wrong to want something badly. I personally think its wonderful that there is something in your life that drives you to such lengths. The adrenalin rush and the passion to get something so bad is something i cannot phathom beyond a point. I sometimes wonder if I even care and if I don't what would make me...I wish to share the sense of mission that a few people I know share, the zeal to get something somewhere. I admire such people and loathe dream snatchers.

I do believe that we have been led to think that the occurrence of an event or the lack of it would alter the essence of the life we had planned for. 10th grade exams, 12th HSC exams, the medical and engineering entrance exams, the CAT GRE and so on...If you haven't realised there has always been an ultimatum of "if you don't then....."

I completely understand when people say to get to what I want I need to go through this entire rigmarole. I went through it as well. I was told if you don't get 90% in 10th you won't get into science. If you don't get into science how will you write the medical entrance, if you don't write the medical entrance obviously you don't get to become a doctor (hope not!)

I have seen enough people i know who constantly manage to live up to these conditions and are doing well for themselves. They are proud people and rightfully so because they got what they thought they wanted.
But there are people on whom life threw surprises. They aren't doing quite as badly for themselves. And no this is not a "its an honor to be just nominated" kinda speech. Its just that during the short course of 22 years I have come to believe that there is something bigger (no...not GOD and not the divine force or any such thing) that takes its course. Somehow there is a road paved as we go along. Its not been made for you. You make it as you go along. Again I don't even know if I am making sense because probably for some people the defined milestones make the road. Nothing more nothing less.

There are a few people whom I have very high regard for. They have always lived up to these yardsticks while being genuinely great people. Each of them deserve much more than a whole other bunch of people (if you ask me who am i to judge... well these are people who mean something to me and I will judge) I know at this very moment they are paving their roads forward but I do not know if they see it the same way. For their sake and mine I do hope they realise it because sometimes just sometimes...what you want and what you get are two very different things. But then who is to tell if what you wanted to begin with would let you go down this road you are paving for yourself which is what your future holds.

Its not destiny..its not a calling... its what you make it to be....and there is always Karma which will make sure it gets its work done.

its a crowded room
people swarming
there is noise
no words
laughter but no cheer

there are people
yet lonliness blankets
there is a buzz
yet silence rules

eyes wander
do not rest on anyone
lacking nothing
yet impoverished

what a moment
what an hour
what a day
what a life

looking
searching
finding
losing.....
looking ?

ghosts of time

cuppa latte in 50's

bowl of ocean

something somewhere sometime

Once upon a time there was this thing somewhere. There was something about this thing that didn't make it quite like the others. It didn't know where it was from or where it was going. It didn't know who it was and somehow didn't seem to be too bothered as well.
Somehow it didn't fit...it wasn't about right or wrong it was just about not being the same.

Why is it so hard for people to accept different? Is it because different threatens your idea of being similar and hence your very sense of balance?

I don't dislike you, i don't judge you...you are not like me. yea so whatever. now now now... do not accuse me of being indifferent. I do care. I am ok with whatever...there have been points in my life where I have been accused of not having an opinion, no being passionate enough, not taking a stand...
Yes I don't. I accept it. I don't take a stand because I always have a feeling that the lens you seeing from may also be right. I do not put up a fight against what you see and believe your world is. I don't fight just because of this. This does not make me indecisive, this does not make me spineless or not be spunky. I have my ideas (none of anyone's bloody business) and they are mine. I don't shove it down your throat. You like what I think... i am happy....you don't.. i ponder a while and dunk..

There are certain things which i deem sacred. I am agnostic.. but i believe in people's space to be sacred and holy. I do not cross the lines I draw. To me my space, my ideas are sacred. We can talk you can shred me to pieces but I will emerge. For all you know somewhere I would have made you a part of my space my thoughts my ideas.

puff

the shark was circling for that one drop of blood which would make the ocean crimson.
meanwhile there is a blowfish whose mere existence make the prune shrivel further.
the shark - the predator as we know is not irksome. it kills but its not irksome.
the blowfish meanwhile could do a significant amount of damage by its mere presence.
our blowfish for convenience sake shall be called night.
Night as we know him is from:

Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Subphylum: Vertebrata
Class: Actinopterygii
Order: Tetraodontiformes
Family: Tetraodontidae

TRIVIA
When lifted out of water, puffers can inflate with air, but they may have problems deflating again afterwards. When this happens with aquarium specimens, fishkeepers hold the puffer
underwater by the tail, head upwards, and shake the fish gently until the air escapes out of the
mouth.

But our Night unlike Mrs. Puff is annoying and does not have a boating school. And also our night does not inflate with air but with drool. yikes!
So night generally drifts along the ocean without a direction. At this point it would be useful to introduce that there are two kinds of fishes:
- Fish
- Fishi

The fishis white, black, thin, fat, blue green, bluish green all come in the way of night.
There is no reason no season for night to see the light of day.
Now its not the non direction of night that irks as much so we would like to believe. Non-direction is good. Too much direction can also irk. Drifitng into the blueness is a feeling with which one must contest.


I confused things with their names: that is belief.


Illustration courtesy: http://www.dg3a.deviantart.com

shark attack

you know there is a shark out there...you know exactly where it is...the precise location..you know how small a fish you are (very very small)..you also know you do not necessarily have to drift in that direction, you are capable of steering clear from the vicinity of the shark...
you have a choice (u r pitifully small but u do have the choice)...the last time you went there you barely survived..the scar on your tail should be enough to remind of you of how really close you got to the big shark...
But...

you close your eyes you see the white, sharp, jagged teeth gleaming waiting to taste your blood...
deep down you know you aren't drifting right...but you make no effort to change your course...
you are getting there...you think maybe this time u can beat the shark clean...(focus currently shifting from how small you really are) you think maybe just maybe you pass right under the shark and he wouldn't know...But then may its just the white sharp jagged gleaming teeth drawing you towards it...

welcome to SHARK LAND

ummm blurb ?

blurb blurb blurb......
water water everywhere.. cant hear...eyes are burning..
i am moving my arms and legs trying to move away but then it feels too heavy...
wait a minute..isnt it supposed to be blue here. why don't i see it then ?
oh my god look...the fish are flying...yellow green blue oh wait yea blue thats where the blue went.
anyways i cant hear the words there are fish trying to talk why are they trying to talk ? they are fish...they are saying something...esp one fish..the angel fish oh no definitely the devil fish...
yes...now i know devil fish it is...it looks evil too...hmmmm....
so where were we yea the fish are talking...damn but am i talking ? no i am thinking...are there words? nope...blurb..yes thats what it was it was a blurb...oops there goes a bubble...
flying...its flying with the fish...grab grab .......yes there is light.

light..yayy ! why is there light ? there is no blue and there is light...hmmm.....ohhhhhhhh the evil fish is back..damn run ! nooo swim ! nooooo fly...yes fly....
flap flap flap....

peach fish is back...shhhhhhh its quiet nooo peach is talking...no u idiot not the fruit.
yes so peach spoke and.....
red green purple...the blue..no not the blue...
yes peach but is peach peach...no peach is black. now we call the peach black. so black spoke thats where we were. "Where we were" yayyy alliteration and that too under water...
focus...focus...black. peach (?). red. yes red but there is grey. i like grey. grey is gray. grey is blue. why is my grey blue ?

ooooooh pink fish...
bubbles....bubbles...other fish flying..away away...far far away...
there was once this tree called faraway tree...i read about it in grade 6. faraway tree...there was this character called Saucepan he had a handle for an ear. i always liked saucepan. he liked jelly. i liked jelly not any more though...